Letters to Turkmenistan
by BahBahBlackSnake
Summary: Turkmenistan has finally convinced her boss to let her reach out to the world at large. She is eagerly anticipating your letters! Turkmenistan is rather mild unless provoked so we will keep it at K  until necessary.
1. Introduction

Hi Everyone, I'm Turkmenistan. I'm a country in central Asia bordered by Afghanistan, Iran, Uzbekistan, and Kazakhstan. If you don't know where they are then I will suggest that you look for a map. I finally convinced my boss to let me extend communications to all over the world. I'm eager to make friends and want to hear from you desperately.


	2. Georgia

Dear Turkmenistan,

Remember me! Well if you don't my name is Georgia, your cousin. As you known, me Azer and Armenia are chilling at Azer's summer home. Why don't you come over to stay and PARTY! Also bring with you the dreamboat brother Tajik, tell him Georgia is looking for him - hint hint! Don't bring Kazak, he is such a dick!

LOTS OF LOVE, Otilia Lomidze

THE COUNTRY OF GEORGIA, SOUTH CAUCAUIS.

Dear Georgia,

Don't be so formal Georgia. Just call me Khally, one does not forget family so easily. We both suffered together under the Iron Curtain and me and my people know that. As for going to Azerbaijan house while Armenia is there I will pass. Such a tense atmosphere always makes me feel intensely uncomfortable. Those two will never forget the Armenian genocide. I may always be neutral but I will take a stance on that. Stay as far away from those two when the Armenian Genocide is mentioned. Azeri and I will always be close but I won't show up for that one. Tajikistan and I are close friends by the way. Kyrgyz is my sister and my brothers and Kazakh, Uzbek, Turkey, and Azeri are my brothers.

Thanks for writing to me I always enjoy hearing from my relatives who stuck out the Iron Curtain with me,

Khally Berdiev


	3. Wonderland

Yoshu Turkmenistan!

You probably won't know me or the fables. But anyways, I'm wonderland,uko! I'm not really noticed, so you've probably never heard of me.

I'm part of the fables, a group of countries that exist in diffrent forms. Most commonly we're born from legends and old lullabys or bed time stories(Although, some just seem randomly made,like Spades and Hollow). Like me, I was born when the "Alice in Wonderland" became popular.

Anyways, contrary to popular belief, I have red hair(And blue eyes), not blonde. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm a girl, Uko! Oh, sorry, i let it slip. That little word at the end-or where ever it is- is a little verbal tick i developed.

Do you like sweets? Perhaps i could send you some gambler cake, I'll just send some with this letter! It's a really good cake recipe. I should know, because my whole family (The fables) all would kill each other for it. I may be related to England(May! We're still working on finding out who my real parents are.), but that doesn't mean i developed his cooking skills- Which are terrible by the way-.

The white queen sends her regards as do I. Not sure about the red queen though.

P.S- I sent the gambler cake with this, hope you like it!

Until next time,

Alice Valantine/ Wonderland

Dear Alice,

I have to admit that you are right. Our people have never really gotten the chance to know Wonderland as some countries from the West have. Instead we developed our own legends such the Turkmenbashi. It is very popular and tourists will often visit that. I am very interested to hear more about your country. I tried your gambler cake by the way and I felt completely compelled to give you the culinary pride of our country: Plov. It is a fried rice and mutton dish and it's incredibly delicious. We have it as part of our dinner everyday!

Hope to hear from you soon,

Khally Berdiev


	4. Wonderland 2

Yoshu Khally,

Surprisigly, some of the countries in the West don't even believe i exist. But anyways, Turkmenbashi? I'll have to do some researching later it seems this has caught my attention.

There's not much to hear about my country, it's just a very random place. Which reminds me, I'm supposed to be going to the Mad Hatter's tea party today! Oopps!

P.S- The Plov was very good thank you!

Hyneri Lanla,

Alice

Dear Alice,

That's strange because all the Western countries are the ones that told me about you. Turkmenbashi is a theme park that has a lot of folk tales. It really mimics Disneyland in a way so that is our rather unaffectionate nickname for it (Disneyland that is). Have fun at the party and maybe you can bring me along next time!

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev


	5. Thanks So Much!

Dear Readers,

Thank you for your letters so far. I have learned so much already. I have also already have had to avoid some sticky situations so far (Sorry Georgia…..). Please send in more letters because I really enjoy getting them.

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev


	6. Holland

Goedendag Turkmenistan.

My name is the Netherlands, or Holland like you probably know me... I saw youre letter and decided it was a good practice for me to write something to a person that isnt about bussiness for once. I hope everything is okay with you, and I like to invite you to come see my tulipfields someday.

Greetings,

The Netherlands

Салам Holland,

There is no need to call me Turkmenistan, call me Khally unless that makes you feel uncomfortable. I always admired you because you work so hard. You make me think of my people a little bit :D. I've been doing really well recently. We just signed an agricultural collective with Ukraine that we are both very proud and excited about. Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan are both asking me for water to help their farmers and we are negotiating that now. So things are pretty hectic right now in my house. Thanks for writing to me you're the first European country to do that so far. I would love to see the Tulipfields. I have heard they are so beautiful. When do you want me to visit? I also really like your football jersey's. Orange is really the way to go!

Sincreley,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	7. Georgia 2

HIYA Kally! GOD MUCH BETTER TO SPELL,

Sorry you and Tajik were always so close, and I've always assume he was your brother. God bless you for the advice! Had to call the poplice, because Azer kind of mention the G WORD. Arm is in hospital broke her left arm. Kazak came over today. BLOODY ***** spilled his glass of lemondae on my new importated carpet. Siberia, Yekatarina, Polly, Toris, Arthur and me are heading to Armenia's hottest nightclub want to come along? WE ALL KNOW YOUR A BIT OF A PARTY ANIMAL REMEMBER AUGUST 1992 AFTER WE ALL BECAME INDEPENDENT YOU AND EDUARD HOOKED UP!

LOTS OF LOVE Otilia!

Hey Georgia,

No worries (How's that I learned it from Australia!) about Tajikistan. I pretty much consider him a brother even though we aren't. Aww Armenia broke her arm. I need to visit her. I knew something was going to happen like this. I always can never feel good about what happens between them. Azeri is always bullying Armenia but he's my brother so I really don't know what to do… but on a different note I can't believe Kazakh did that. He usually doesn't make such a mess I'll talk to him about it for you. I'm all over going to a nightclub. It has been a while. I'll have to get Turkey to try and get me out of the house! I remember the Time of Independence truly one of the greatest time in all of our countries history.

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	8. Kurdistan

Dear Mrs Turkmeisland,

My name is Kurdistan, and I am 6 years old. Would u like to be my frend? Iran says you are nice, so does Iraq. Iran says that you are good at "going up and down". He is a bit silly, but would you like to be my frend.

FROM YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND Muhammad El-Sayed KURDISTAN! (:

Dear Kurdistan,

Oh my calling me Mrs. Turmeisland makes me feel ancient. There is no need to be so formal though. Just call me Khally. I would love to help you out. You've experienced such hard times in recent years that I think you could use a couple allies in your region.

Call On Me For Help Any Time,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	9. Georgia 3

Hiya Kal,

Visited Arm today. She seems good, even though she complains that the doctors won't let her go to church. Holy Armenia, always goes to church on a Sunday. Guess what happened when we went out;

Polly was arrested for indicent nudity.

Yekatarina made out with a cute little cat which looks like Russia.

Toris nearly got killed - don't ask.

Siberia left early.

Arthur got drunk and ended up dancing NAKED!

Krgy crashed our party, because she heard Polly was there.

Ismail (Iran) saw us half drunk, and suddenly started praying to GOD!

And me well I ended up passed out on Azer's doorstep!

Kal you're right about one thing, IM THE PARTY ANIMAL OF THE FAMILY. Anyway, Eddie's is asking about you, still remember that night out back in 92?

Georgia,

Looks like Polly still needs to get all of those issues in her head fixed… Yekky of course is at the center of all debauchery it's just whether or not she is the main attraction. At your request I won't ask. Siberia has always been a little antisocial hasn't he? Arthur really has never been able to hold is liquor has he? It must be a bit of an embarrassment to be such a lightweight. Kyrgyz and her attachment issues… I won't even go there. Ismail doing such a thing is well…unprecedented for a lack of a better word. You my cousin should know better than pass out near Azeri (silly pervert, love him to death anyway). Eddie? Such a celebration was erased from mind because of the alcohol. Since then I've sworn from the stuff. I'll see if I get Tajiki to come next time.

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	10. Wonderland 3

Yoshu Khally,

Oh really now? I'm shocked, if they know i exist why do they just ignore me? Anyways, they've probably seen the movie or read the book. (I just hope it was the orginal movie, not the one with Johnny what's his face in it), I feel like Canada sometimes.

It's official, this Turkmenbashi has caught my attention...

Disney land, eh? (Wait a moment, Alice you're not Canada, you twit!) I only go there for the Mad tea party (The tea cup ride thing) and the Alice in Wonderland ride...Haunted mansion and some others are on that list too though! Which reminds me, me and my family are 'Hoping' to go there soon!

Well, i would have had fun at the tea party had me and March (The march hare) and Dormy (Door mouse) not had to go find the Mad hatter...It took us four hours just to figure out that Dormy knew where the Hatter was but was just to tired to remember. Next time we have one, i'll be sure to invite you!

Until next time,

Alice

Dear Alice

It's really a good time if you're interested in the culture of the area (Turkmenbashi a.k.a. Disneyland). We never saw the original movie when it came out in our country because of the Soviet Union and their Iron Curtain they placed over us satellite nations.

Maybe if Dormy hadn't been going to Mr. Hooka's (? I researched hard for this) supply if you know what I mean;). I would love to go so anytime you invite me would be great.

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	11. Holland 2

Goedendag again Turkmenistan,

Ill keep calling you this since we havent properly met yet.

Its good to know you like my soccerteam so much, also Im very glad with youre admiration for my work. Im glad youre country is doing well in relations to other countries. Its important to have a large network. About the tulips, aside from the meetings I already have, you can come when ever you want, Ill add an attachement with my schedule for the coming month, so that you know when you can visit.

This scedule is of course for your eyes only and nobody else can see it (not even bahbahblacksnake)

Greetings,

The Netherlands

Салам, Holland

I'll respect that then. I agree that is why I have tried so hard to open up to the world and it's why I have started writing. About the tulips, I haven't been this excited since before the Soviet Invasion. It's going to my first visit outside of the Extended Middle East since before the Cold War. Alrighty then I'll give your schedule a look.

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	12. Georgia 4

Hiya Khally,

Remember your 13 b-day? I was probally about 15 or 14 then, and me, Arm, Ismail, Tajik, Azer, Kryg, Toris, Kazak and you played that game of spin the bottle. When it was your turn, you had to kiss Tajik! OMG, you should have seen your face - bright red like a sinners. Kryg and me were egging you on, whilst Ismail started giving us a sermon on pre-martiel sex and poor Arm started to cry. Anyhow, you just stood their like a gomless chicken and Tajik gave you a quick peck on the lips! EVERBODY started going like silent! Then you punched Taj right in his privert parts, his face started going blue. You and him would not talk to each over for a month. WT HAPP IN THOSE 2 MONTHS BECAUSE I HAD TO STAY WITH RUSSIA FOR A BIT.

LOTS OF LOVE FROM YOUR ADOREBLE COUSIN Otilia!

Dear Georgia,

I try to forget that day as often as I can. Tajik can be so weird sometimes even though I love him to death… I'll keep those two months between me and Tajik. I hope you're not offended.

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	13. Turkey

Little Khally,

Azerbaijan just came home from a summit meeting yesterday (a meeting that for some reason, decided to exclude me) and has developed a fixation on the Western holiday, Christmas. So, against my better judgement, I have decided to humor my adorable little brother just this once and celebrate at our house.

At any rate, in anticipation for this event, I have asked America what preparations must be made so that we might actually be able to swing this.

First off, we need to buy lots of lights because, apparently, the large tree that we need to haul into our living room is scared of the dark. Secondly, one of us needs to get really fat and dress up in a scarlet jumper. (I personally nominate Uzbekistan.) Then, we need to make enough food to feed the Turkish army, just in case; Alfred says that it's bad if you don't have leftovers to last you into mid-February. He also said something about going to church, but it kinda sounded like an afterthought so I'll just ignore that one; I'm sure Azerbaijan won't mind.

So make sure that you're in the... uh, Christmas Spirit and all that, and do take care not to show up late. Party's at 6:00 on the twenty fourth and ends the next day at midnight.

Opinion? Anyway, take care and drink lots of milk; wouldn't want to stunt your growth or anything. (I say this in the nicest of ways, with your well-being in mind.)

Love,

Turkey

(P.S. Studies have shown that countries who drink milk are less susceptible to osteoporosis than counties who don't.)

Dear Terjimesi,

I am always wondering if you're looking to pick a fight with me about the flat thing. I will tell you again it is unnecessary, mean, and rude. I'm only sixteen you know and I am still growing so lay off my boobs. And plus you are my brother so it's a little weird that you notice these things... anyway about my other terjimesi, Azerbaijan. I'm not surprised since he has been hanging out with all those Catholics recently. Not that I got anything against those Catholics but it doesn't surprise me. It also appears that I know a little bit more about Western religious holidays than you. The tree is not scared of the dark it just needs lights so that it looks extra pretty. Ludwig came up with the idea a long time ago now. Also you don't need to dress up in a red jumpsuit Santa is his own man. Oh I crack myself up. Uzbekistan would be the most likely candidate though wouldn't he. Food is a big part of Western Christmas as well and especially in America. Load of fat asses they are... I'll be there. Britian invited me to his party and I so excited to go to that one too.

Already in the "Christmas Spirit",

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	14. Turkey 2

Turkmenistan,

About the whole boob thing... as your big brother, I need to make sure you get the nutrition that you need; I'm not disappointed in your 'size.' But I'm serious about the milk; Britain was telling me about it the other day. If you don't get enough calcium (which is scarce in the typical Asian diet), it can negatively impact your health.

As to the Catholics... gotta watch out for them, you know, but at least England a Protestant.

Since when were you and Iggy friends, anyway? Also, Fakhad seems to be under the impression that GREECE will be coming to our Christmas party- something about spreading Christmas joy or something, he said.

*mutters* someone's gotta knock some sense into that man...

Do you think I should wear a festive mask to the party, or not so much? *doesn't want to look like he's trying too hard in front of Greece*

Love,

Big Brother... is watching. (hahaha, '1984' reference for the win)

(P.S. How do you know so much about Christmas; you been hanging out with Britain that much?)

Dear Big Brother,

Please don't be so formal. Call me Khally you know how it bothers me whenever you do that. Enough about my boobs by the way. Catholics aren't that bad by the way, but you're right you gotta be wary sometimes. Me and Iggy became friends only recently but we've been hanging out a bunch and since it was coming up he told me a lot about Christmas. He's really a nice guy you know…

Fakhad is always coming up with those weird things like inviting Greece. He is Christian you know so it might be good to have a resident Christian to precede over the event. And yes I think that you should wear a festive mask. It would be really cool! I'm wearing something festive that Kazakh gave me.

Love,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	15. Georgia 5

Hiya Khally!

OMG were have you been all this time. Arm was pretty worried about you, and she nearly had a painc attack thinking of were have you been all this time. Turkey been a perve again has he? Well if I was you, you should have kicked him in the *******. Trust me works every time. Arm has a crush on Prussia. Well funny. Oh yeah, can you bail me out of jail. I'm in a place called London, Engaland. It's illeagel to smoke when you are under 18.

Love Otilia.

Hey Otila,

Armenia is so adorable. Tell her I missed her 'kay? I feel so bad for making her feel like that… Turkey is my big bro so he is one of the few who can get away with that. And who hasn't crushed on Prussia for at least five minutes I mean come on now! Jail huh? I'm no good with prisons but I'll float you with some bail money I might swing something with Iggy so I won't have to though… but really you can enjoy London with a drag right? Oh too funny.

See ya soon,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	16. Georgia 6

Hiya Khally,

Guess who...its me your favorite cousin in the whole wide world. Thanks for the bail money, Itty says thanks for last night or something like that. Anyhow guess what Arm was singing today. She is such a doof sometimes, but I still love her! So anyhow, Arm is in the kitchen singing this song which goes like this;

Guys are stimulating

Girls are ovulating

Kids are spazzing

Granny bashing. WTF

Arm didnt know what ovulating meant. When I told her what it meant, she ran to a nearby church and confessed to her sins of singing women ovulating songs. Lol Arm you funny girl.

Anyhow bye! Otilia

Dear Otila,

Your welcome… just make sure you don't do that again because I am not sure if I can float you bail all of the time. Honestly Iggy will have to refresh me about me about that saying thanks because I am the one who should be thankful… and you to. Lol.

Armenia… *sigh*. You got to grow up girl and know what you are saying otherwise all these embarrassing moments are going to keep on keeping on. Granny Bashing I will agree with you is definitely a WTF moment lol.

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


	17. Kurdistan 2

Dear Mrs Turkmenistan,

Would you lik to came to my 7th birthday party. Iraq will be making me a speical chocolate cake. Sealand and Azeribaland is aslo caming. Can you bring Georgia aslo, Iran says he needs to talk to her about what happened with being drink. Wear a fancy dress.

From your best friend Kurdistan!

P.S Can Mr Tajikstan come aslo because he is your husband.

Dear Kurdistan,

Your invitation puts me in a precarious position and is one reason I have taken so long to respond to your letter. I greatly apologize by the way. You see I am really not allowed to have relations with your state as a separate entity from Turkey and Iraq by international law but I have decided to stretch the boundaries and accept your invitation. I'll also bring Georgia along with me as you have requested. I'll wear one of my nicest dresses as well. By the way we must have had a misunderstanding. Tajikistan is my brother not my husband but I will bring him along as well.

Sincerely,

Khally Berdiev

Turkmenistan


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